Monday, May 13, 2019

SwampButt Men's Underwear Declares Size Matters Especially for Fat Guys

(Lake Jackson, TX) – There are lies, damned lies, statistics and falsehoods told about waist sizes according to the makers of SwampButt Underwear. These mendacities about one’s circumference, cause close to 50% of all garments bought on line in the U.S. to be returned due to ‘poor fit.’ Instead of a tape measure a better gauge might be a lie detector for men who have 52-inch waists and order underwear for one that is 38 inches.

“We do not experience a lot of returns but the ones we do get are mostly for men who order garments that are too small for them,” said spokesperson Nick Heraldson. “Maybe working a tape measure is harder than I thought.” The problem seems to affect men and women equally, but mostly men are the guiltiest.

You Are Not Fooling Anyone Fatty!

Where does the blame belong? Jeans and pants are the most frequently returned items by both men and women, but men are twice as likely to return T-shirts. Who is at fault? There is plenty of blame to go around the collective waist bands of American men and those who supply them with what to wear. Is there something that customers or vendors or both can do to cut down on customer dissatisfaction with their on line garment purchase? “Yes, or probably. I’m not sure,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesman and human waffle, Nick Heraldson. “One thing anyone buying clothes, whether on line or in a store, should do is be honest about their measurements.”

Survey Research Fit Predictors and Size Charts

In a study by a company called ‘BodyBlock AI’ of 1,200 consumers, 91% of those who ordered clothes online reported dissatisfaction with the fit. The study authors found that consumers know their sizes, but differences in style or the manufacturer can result in differing fits. “I once believed that a 38-inch waist was 38 inches around, regardless of the maker or style,” Heraldson said. “I was wrong about that.”

The same study reported that ‘84 percent of those surveyed said they felt that sizing was ‘random or arbitrary depending on the brand.’ “While I cannot say anything about what goes on in other places, here at SwampButt Underwear, we use the tape measure and adhere to what it says,” Heraldson said. “We do not use estimates, guesstimates, dead-reckoning, dousing, the metric system, cubits or any type of digital measures on our patterns or fabric.”

Better Measurement Equals Better Fit

Most clothing marketed and sold in the U.S. is made in Asia. SwampButt Underwear is Made in the USA. Better quality from American made garments and English measurements instead of metric will help explain the need for fewer exchanges at SwampButt Underwear compared to others. “Nothing against anyone in Asia, but the garments made here (in the USA) are better in terms of sewing, fabric, and overall tolerances,” Heraldson reported. “We do not have to go between centimeters and convert to inches. So, a 38 inch waist is actually 38 inches.”

The Customer Is Always Right Until He’s Not

Heraldson stated that feedback he and others at SwampButt Underwear get from customers when it comes to size selection is along the lines of ‘I always wear an extra-large so that’s what I bought,’ which is not workable if the person’s body weight has changed since the last time he purchased underwear. “There are men with a 46-inch waist who order underwear for a 38-inch waist because that is what they always wore, want to believe and will not adjust up in size selection,” he said. “It’s not rational or productive and creates a lot of hassle and frustration for them and us that is also not productive.”

Can People Return Underwear?

SwampButt Underwear will accept returns of unopened packages for exchange but will not accept any opened packages. This is because the laws and regulations for returns on underwear are different than they are for other garments. “Please do not mail underwear you’ve worn back to us,” Heraldson plead. “It’s gross, unhealthy and we may mail a pair of ours to you so you can see how that feels.”

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1 comment:

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